Already feeling home amongst the Lions faithful

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It’s early in my Lionhood and I’m already beginning to feel at home as a Lions’ fan.

Now I can only imagine how much a nine (9) foot Red-tail Boa Constricter actually weighs. Still less do I know what it’s like to drive with one around my neck.

I tuned into 97.1 The Ticket’s Karsch & Anderson yesterday evening (UK time) just in time to hear one gentleman explaining how he always drove with his dog on his lap. Not content with that he went on to admit he’d contemplated balancing a parrot on his shoulder too.

Now okay that was just a small dog. An American Eskimo (pomeranian) style dog. And a well-mannered one too. Heck it’d even get off the guy’s lap when asked. You know, if driving in city traffic got a bit complex (!?)

imagesBut then, as I’m still absorbing this insight into the great American driver, another geezer rang in to top even that whacky line.

This chap explained how he thought snakes were sweet. So much so that he often took his pet snake for a spin in the car too.

Now I can only imagine how much a nine (9) foot Red-tail Boa Constricter actually weighs. Still less do I know what it’s like to drive with one around my neck.

Neck?

Oh, yeah. Wrapping the Boa around his neck was his the preferred position (… and no lap dancing involved). What could possibly go wrong?

Some other dude rang in to say he took his snakes out too, but they were tiddlers compared to the Boa.

Now, I’ve driven in America a few times; although thankfully not in Detroit as yet. So, I know that with power-steering and auto-transmission and cruise-control, manoeuvring a US automobile is a relatively easy driving experience. But it seems the Motown auto-design boffins have now made it too easy. Maybe they invented some auto-steer gizmo just for Detroit city cars that they’re hiding from the rest of the world.

In fact it seems they’ve made driving so easy that people are resorting to all kinds of trick-tactics to relieve the boredom and make things not only more difficult for themselves, but visually more stimulating for fellow road users.

It’s street theatre writ large. Stunning; as was the image another caller left of a 300lb American lady perched on a tiny pink moped bearing her dog in a child carrier (papoose?).

Oh, and Karch & Anderson talked about football too. Will it be Drew Stanton, Matt Stafford or Daunte Culpeppper behind centre come opening day?

Gotta say the jury is still out with all three having upsides and downside. In fact as I think about it all three seem to have something in common with those scary drivers.

Dante Culpepper, ain’t carrying no parrot on his shoulder, but he is quarterbacking with a monkey on his back. Can he shake of the perception that his horrendous knee injury has mentally and physically emasculated his game?

As for Drew Stanton. Well he isn’t necking a nine-foot Boa out there, but he’s surely struggling with the underdog-tag around his neck; everyone thinks he’s the perfect backup QB.

And Matt Stafford? Well he’s juggling with a bouncing lapful of high-expectations whilst riding the pink-moped of limited NFL-experience in the face of heavy traffic.

Whichever whacky QB pulls through, 2009 is going to be wild ride.

It’s early in my Lionhood and I’m already beginning to feel at home as a Lions’ fan.
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